I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
