omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
