Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
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