Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
