Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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