I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
