Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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