i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
