She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize