I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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