gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
