So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
