that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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