oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
