holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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