Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
