I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
