Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
