Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
one two three fourrrrnication!
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
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