I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
