i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I want a musical about memes.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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