did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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