Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
