You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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