I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
