This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
