if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
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