3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize