Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
