how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
