My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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