She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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