I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
