sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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