he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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