She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
How does one acquire holy water?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
