She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
