I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
jump out the window naked night went bad
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