I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
