Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
