I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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