I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I think a kid would responsible me up
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
