is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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