So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
