mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
