Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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