Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
