Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
