You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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