puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
She has the best kind of daddy issues
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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