sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
