I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
