I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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