i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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