3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
