if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
