i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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