A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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