I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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