never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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