Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
