I love black thongs
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
