Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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