There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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