as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
