boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
