I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
