U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
