the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
