Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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