uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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