Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
