I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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