Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
