I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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