why didn't you poke me back
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
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