TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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