I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
